Sister Carter, you’ve been reassigned to…..
Moi! Moi! Moi!
So still here:) Just livin life the MTC way. Remember how I said two of the worst things that could happen would be having to be in the MTC 12 weeks and if I were called somewhere stateside? Well guess who is on her 12th week….?? Oh yeah this gal! And guess who just got reassigned for the time being stateside…. OHHHHH yeah, this gal! haha I hope you’re sensing the sarcasm in all this. But wait it gets even better not only am I going to be stateside till my visa comes but guess where stateside?? No where better than just to the exotic city of Orem Utah!!! haha. But really… when the travel office lady said that I just about cried, like seriously?? You do realize that’s where I lived for the past 4 years and where all my friends currently are right….? So yeah, that’s pretty exciting. As soon as my visa does arrive I’ll leave and not have to wait till the following transfer which is nice and probably a big reason why the are reassigning me somewhere so close.
With all that said I’m hoping to speak kinda candidly this week. Like I’ve told many people before I think far too often people like to put on a persona where all is perfect and that can often give off unrealistic impressions. I don’t want any of this to come off as a pity party for me or anything like that but I guess what I’m getting at is I don’t want to be one who pretends like everything is perfect either. It’s only been about 3 months but my mission has already presented it’s own set of unexpected and interesting challenges. Life in general is hard and filled with un-explainable ups and downs. Sadly, so very often when we are trying to do all we can to do what’s right you’re thrown an obstacle. I’ve seen that in my own life as well as in many others who have come to me and told me their stories. It makes me wonder why would a Heavenly Father who loves us so much allow horrible things to happen. I don’t feel like I’m alone in this question nor do I know if I have a good answer for it, but it definitely has been something on my mind a lot lately. For example why would Heavenly Father push me so hard to come on a mission only to say no you can’t go yet, and on top of that we’re going to send you to Orem (not too tragic of an example but you get the idea). Why would I get sick, or why do I still feel like I’m not making any progress in this language? (I was actually quite scared about being sick and even went to the clinic earlier this week to make sure it wasn’t something more serious because I couldn’t help but wonder maybe it was something more serious and that’s why my visa wasn’t here. Luckily I’m fine I just have an annoying 2 week cold that’s been going around). Or, I’ve also asked myself, what I am I doing wrong? Is it because I am lacking in some way that these things are happening…? Am I not diligent enough in my studies, am I not spiritual enough, am I not good enough at the language… etc etc… Like I’ve said I don’t know if there is a good reason why these kinds of things happen, but I can say that I don’t think it’s that God is “allowing” these things to happen. We were all given agency and part of that deal means that good and bad will undoubtedly happen. There are going to be many things that are outside of our control. And on the other hand I do feel like there are obstacle that are placed in our lives by God that at the moment seem hard and awful, but later on when we can see the greater perspective we’re able to understand that in order to reach a certain blessing we had to go about it in a way that may have not at first made sense or been what we originally wanted…. but it wasn’t necessarily harmful to us. Hopefully some of this makes sense… bottom line I think that there are certain things that are bad that happen because of circumstances beyond our control and that there are other things that switch up our original plans and because of that it feels hard at that moment.
Sorry for all the word vomit, I’ll wrap this up I promise… Anyway…. I don’t know why bad things happen, but I do know that when they do Heavenly Father doesn’t abandon us (I know that sounds like a cheesy missionary things to say but it’s true, I’ve seen this both before and now on my mission). In those moments if we can take a minute to look outside ourselves we will still see beauty in those hard moments. Even though I have still have moments where I think, “really, is this necessary, do I really have to go through something like this again?”, I am humbled when I see a tender mercy come my way. Little things like sweet notes coming from family and friends right at the moment when I thought I may crack, or people asking me if I’m ok, or talking to me and taking the time to really understand me. I’ve had countless moments these past few weeks where I have been baffled at the amount of support I’ve received from those I know well, and barely know. The Atonement isn’t just for being forgiven, it’s also to make all things that are unfair in this world, fair. Christ is there to lift our hearts when we feel at our lowest. It may not take away the hurt or pain but he will send us angels to bless us and leave us little tender mercies if we’re willing to notice them. Bad things are going to happen, and that can be overwhelming, but happiness and change is a choice. We may still be affected by and hurt by something but when you can look at the good rather than dwell on the ugly things will smooth out and at the very least become bearable.
I hope you all know that I am not looking for any sort of sympathy or consolation ha… ultimately I am very happy, that doesn’t mean that this is easy for me, but I’m happy! I am lucky to have people both here and at home supporting me and making me feel so loved! More than anything just felt like this was something that has been on my mind and I figured it’s a good thing to question and to wonder about.
Also! I was so happy to receive letters from you all and hearing that Hudson still remembers me and has asked about me! DON’T LET HIM FORGET ME! haha. I love hearing about everything that’s going on in everyone’s lives, it makes me feel connected still! Talk to me:) Even if it’s just a sentence or two.
I love you all! Maybe I’ll see ya on the streets of Orem haha, hopefully my visa will come before tuesday and I won’t even have to go do that! But even if it doesn’t it will be a good little adventure… weird for sure, but good.
P.S. Quick story! So last weekend we were studying outside and all of a sudden Smith and Guillian Nover (two of the sisters we room with and who are our friends) come running out saying “Sister Carter! Sister Carter!! They called your name to the office”. So of course we all thought it was because my visa was here. We quickly ran inside to drop off our things. When we did (and I thought this was really quite cute) all of the elders in our zone were like “is it here?!”. We obviously hadn’t gone down yet so we didn’t know. When we got there it turned out to be some much needed medicine and goodies from the Fam! It was so sweet to see how excited and how much support everyone gave me that night even though it was a false alarm. BUT the best part is I started taking some of the Sinus Plus Mom had dropped off and people started asking questions about it. So I let the curious people try a squirt… Oh. My. Goodness!! They’re faces… I nearly died! I’ve never seen such disgust before in my life! haha. After a lifetime of taking herbs I guess you forget just how bad they actually are.